What’s in a name?

When I was expecting my third child I wanted to name him one thing and my husband wanted to name him another. So we compromised. Our son’s first name is Samuel. But nobody EVER calls him that. Nope. And we never call him Sam like I originally wanted.

I’ve just always loved that name since I babysat an infant named Sam. This baby I sat was amazing. He smiled and laughed and didn’t once tinkle on me as I changed his diaper! He actually gave me the confidence to have my own babies. He made me feel like I was doing everything right because he NEVER cried! After having my own I came to realize that was just the luck of the draw! I wasn’t perfect and neither was Sam but he was pretty darn close. So when I found out years later that he was hit by a car and killed, it tore my heart out. Even though I hadn’t seen him in years I felt that connection still. He just made a profound impact on me.

When my son began talking to an imaginary friend named Sam (when he was only 1), I thought it was pretty neat. When he started pointing at Sam and telling me anytime Sam was near (age 2) I thought he was really creative. Sam was always playing peek a boo with him or ducking around corners or hanging out over my shoulder as I held him. Sam was just always there. One day Sam even walked through a wall as my little one pointed in amusement. He was bewildered by us not being able to see Sam. I started thinking maybe Sam was the spirit of the little boy I had babysat. After all he was the only Sam I had known… or so I thought.

I got my answer when we went to visit my mom up at her office one day. We were just chatting when either my mom or I (whichever one of us was holding him) pointed to a picture of me with my sister. We pointed to me and asked him,”Who’s that?” to see if he would recognize me. He was so sweet when he said,”mom ma” with the biggest smile. Then, with an even BIGGER smile, he pointed to my sister and said,”SAM”! My mom and I got tears in our eyes as it suddenly all made sense. The whispers over the monitor as he was waking up in the mornings. The way he never woke up crying but always happy and laughing. The way he was never scared to be placed in his own bed at night or nap time. My sister, who passed in 2004, had been calling HIM Sam this whole time! She knew that’s what I had wanted. So that’s what he called HER.

Before he turned 4 he just didn’t speak about Sam anymore. He doesn’t even remember now that he’s 8. And that’s okay because I remember. And my family and friends remember. God gave us that. I don’t believe there is anything evil or wicked or sacrilegious about it! I think it’s yet another sweet gift from a father who loves His children. Children who are still here, children who have left these bodies, and perhaps ESPECIALLY those children just coming into the world. Maybe we all had “Sams” but never knew their names. What’s in a name, anyway? Well, lots of things in this case! I’m glad I babysat a Sam, gave birth to a Sam and had a sister who used Sam to let us know she was not really gone. Is she with God? Yes. But don’t forget God is everywhere!

1 Samuel 1:20