When my sister died…

I lost my biggest fan. She was there the day I was born kissing my head all the way home from the hospital. To this day, that act brings me peace. It’s one of my favorite things. She told me our dog would get in trouble if she didn’t finish her dinner, so we ate gravy train by the handfuls in the back yard. It didn’t matter there was no room for OUR dinner and the dog was wondering what happened. My sis taught me how to twirl in the yard long enough to feel light headed but stop just before falling down. She taught me the important difference between black licorice and red. She taught me how to apply makeup but threatened me to never touch hers! She taught me how to argue. And I picked that right up!

When my sister died, half of me died and the other half went numb. And it stayed numb for several years. So long that it became my normal. I didn’t care about much. And I didn’t feel like anyone cared about me. Not like she had. Oh I know my parents did. But back then they didn’t know me like she did. Nobody did. She knew when I was upset even tho I smiled. She knew when I was full of crap even when I fooled everyone else. She was my person. And my person died.

When my sister died I didn’t realize that God knew me better than anyone. I wasn’t ever fooling Him with my fake smiles or white lies. Thankfully, He had another person meant just for me. And that same year this person was going through his own heartache, the death of his first marriage. Because God’s timing is everything – we didn’t meet until 2 years later, when he was open to dating and I was open to having dinner with someone other than my children or my parents. I mean a girl’s gotta eat, right? I tell everyone my sister set us up because it was one of her friends who introduced us. I know she would be so happy for me now. Even though we vowed to avoid men and raise cats together after our boys left home, I think she’d understand.

When my sister died I never thought I’d be happy again. Today, I no longer feel guilty telling people I’m happier than I’ve ever been! Because the truth is, whether I’m happy or miserable, she’s not coming back. Being happy now doesn’t diminish all the amazing years of happiness I had with her. My happiness does not negate her absence either. No, I still miss her and somedays it’s debilitating. But life doesn’t stand still. Whatever I decide, that’s how my day will go. Add up enough days and you’ve got yourself a lifetime! I know she’s happier now than she was on earth. How could she not be? No longer limited by a body, no more questions about anything, and no more tears!

When my sister died, I lost my very best friend. That’s what she was and she was amazing. But so is my husband. God knew who I would need and when I would need him. That man is one of my biggest blessings. He makes me laugh and puts up with all my quirks. He’s up for a good argument, sometimes even when I’m not. He tells me I’m beautiful when I’m slouching around in his old t-shirts. AND HE KISSES MY FOREHEAD! He’s the kind of guy my sister told me didn’t exist anymore. I know she would love him, but I also suspect that would have taken a while! I carry them both in my heart where there is plenty of room for everyone!

If you’re experiencing a loss, be patient. Not only with God, but with yourself. If you’re sad, take the day. Just don’t string too many of those days together. God has something great in store for you! Go see a movie by yourself. Let a friend introduce you to a stranger (if you’re single). Maybe let him buy you dinner. It could change your life. It sure changed mine.

The day my sister died was terrible. But I refuse to let the rest of my days be.

Revelation 21:4