My husband left.

When I was married to the first guy, he left a lot. He was always on the road working, coming home for HIS birthday and Christmas. He wanted his freedom and wanted to have a soft place to land. I foolishly allowed both for many years. One day, he left and never came back. He abandoned his own children to avoid responsibility.

I never thought I’d find myself in the same situation. Being left. But even my favorite husband left me this morning. When we first married, he left the house to drive a mile to the burn barrel (basically, he was just taking out the trash) and I lost it. He didn’t say goodbye and didn’t tell me where he was going so I sat on our back porch crying in despair. I haven’t told many people that, but this girl had MAJOR abandonment issues.

Over the last (nearly) eleven years of marriage I’ve learned to trust again. To be truly loved. To discern the difference between a tumultuous relationship and the relationship God ordained for me. I mean, it has truly been like night and day. When people say,”love isn’t easy,” they’re lying. Will it take work? Of course! Will it be worth it? Absolutely! Will it give you a stomach ulcer, make your hair fall out and keep you up at night with a knife under your mattress? No. That’s not love. That’s a lifetime movie or an episode of Snapped just waiting to happen! Get out!

So you may be wondering why my husband left me in the early morning hours. In the dark, without saying goodbye. He left us all to go to work. To provide for his family. Selflessly, happily, and honestly. And to be fair, he may have said goodbye but I sure don’t remember. I was snoozing until 9, don’t judge this night owl. He watches me sleep and kisses my forehead, and loves me with all of his heart. I know he will be back home after work. He will work on things around here, have dinner with us, do our devotional, shower and drift off to sleep as fast as he can. Just to wake up and do it again tomorrow. Does he leave me? Yes. Does he come back? Every single time. He calls and texts and offers reassurance when I can’t see him. The man even switched from Samsung to Apple JUST to be able to video chat (before the days of zoom)!

In many ways this reminds me of the love our father has for us. In our darkest times we may not think he’s with us. Jesus left earth long before we were born, but we know he’s coming back! No need to panic, y’all. We don’t have to sit on the porch fretting over his departure when we can get excited awaiting his return! How amazing is it that we can talk to God through prayer and even read his text messages in the Bible?? His love NEVER dies and HE won’t abandon his children! Ever.

Psalms 34:18