I wanted horses.

When I was little my neighbor had a huge black horse named King. We didn’t live in the country, so King was just hanging out in their front yard. He was tied to a weeping willow tree right beside our tree house. Now I’m not sure if King was as big as I remember, or if I was just so little, but he seemed giant. Regardless of his canyon sized nostrils and intimidating stance above my 5 year old self, it was love at first sight. I remember being told I couldn’t have one, but I don’t recall just why. I can only imagine that conversation when I asked my parents for a horse in MY yard! No. It wasn’t meant to be but I never forgot him that’s for sure.

As I’ve said before, God knows our heart. So when we moved out to our little plot of land almost 4 years ago, I always pictured horses here. My husband kept saying,”one day,” but I kept hoping NOW! When my cousin messaged me out of the blue asking if I knew of anyone wanting horses, I knew it was a long shot. But I had to mention it to the man anyway. And he not only said yes, he drove hundreds of miles and way out of his way, loaded them up (unbroken) and drove back. With two kids and a wife in tow. In a rainstorm. Have I mentioned I love this man? I can’t even count the ways.

We picked up three horses on the 12th of April and by the 26th we had five! The mares were pregnant! How’s that for God’s timing and blessing? I wanted a couple of horses and boy did my father hear that! So when one of the colts didn’t seem to be thriving, and then just got sicker, we lifted him up in prayer. One morning we discovered he didn’t make it through the night. And our thriving baby (the one who ran and played and had gorgeous muscle tone already) had an infection we thought had healed. We recently lost her too. While we are sad, we are not broken. While we don’t understand, we haven’t lost faith.

Faith is something you have even when the miracles don’t happen. Even when the answer is,”no.” Even when it stinks. Bad. I was able to discuss this with my children who are very country (like their dad) and they took it pretty good. Better than me. I even debated on whether or not I still wanted horses! But a sweet friend and sister in Christ reminded me that we wouldn’t lose them if we didn’t have them, and she’d rather have them. So would I.

I’m so very glad I had my sister all those years. And I’m glad for my first marriage. God is holding us in His hands and while we may lose, a lot, we gain much more. I have amazing childhood memories that morphed into adulthood with my sissy who was one of my soulmates. I have two incredible young men I get to call sons from that first marriage. And even though we lost our colts, we have the experience of loving them. Plus we have the three horses we brought home. And when we let them out to graze, I finally have horses in MY yard!

My daughter looks up at them in love like I did. What a blessing it is to watch. And what a gentle reminder that our God cares about the details. I wanted horses. He gave me an amazing place to bring them and an incredible family to share them. If I had gotten one all those years ago, it wouldn’t have been this sweet. It couldn’t have been.

Hebrews 11:1